If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it...

Sorry, this was too fantastic and disgusting not to post. It's dedicated to all you fabulous single ladies. You're welcome. That is all.

The Snuggie

OK so I was going to post the commercial for The Snuggie. You know, the completely ridiculous blanket with sleeves that they advertise ad nauseam. On one hand, it's completely annoying. On the other hand, I have to watch it, every time, all the way through to the end. I don't get it either. And just at the point when you think this may be an acceptable purchase as long as you never told anyone about it, they show the family at the baseball game and you find yourself back on planet Earth and hating these people for trying to sell you an ugly ass backwards robe with a shitty book light to go with it. Well, as I said, I was going to take you through the Snuggie commercial scene for scene until I found this brilliant parody on You Tube that pretty much sums it up. That is all.

WTF- THAT Mom...

I wanted to share a juicy tid-bit with you involving this mom at my kids school. Now, don't get me wrong, she might be a really nice lady but probably not. So she's that mom. You know, the one that's always at the school for no apparent reason, goes on every field trip and runs every fundraiser (poorly I might add). I honestly don't know if she leaves at all after dropping her kids off. So I'm a smoker and every time I'm waiting for my kids and she sees me smoking, she gives me this glare like she wants to kill me and then leans over to the other moms and I know she's talking shit. I mean, I don't discard my butts on school grounds, I'm across the street in my car minding my own damn business. I don't know, I just get this really creepy vibe from her. If we happen to cross paths, I just feel a wave of judgement the way she looks at me and my kids and like right when we're passing she always gives me this big toothy grin and pops her gum like a lioness protecting her unattractive cubs. I even caught her once kind of pulling her kids to the other side as we walked by like I was gonna offer her little bastards a martini and a Marlboro light. Bitch. Anyways, as with any school, parking is an issue. So if you can get there more than 5 minutes before school lets out- bonus, you might get a decent spot. So there have been a few times where I pull up and park and of course, she's the one and only parent parked in the school bus zone directly in front of where the bus parks leaving just enough room. Like she's special, right? And she will never hesitate to block traffic for miles to stop and talk to someone out the window in another car. GOD I hate that. So here's the deal, she'll get out of the car, put on her roller blades and proceed to roller blade up and down the sidewalk in front of the school. Maybe that's the soccer mom's version of pissing all over the place you know, like marking your territory. Nasty. So she's all sweaty and hair a mess and does this for seriously like 20 minutes and then just puts her shoes back on and goes and gets her kids. And she's always wearing the same outfit: school t-shirt and mom jeans that make your ass look like a W. Ew. Gross. I hope she has a collection of them that's all I'm saying. Probably not. She's probably one of those people who really want you to think they're better than everyone else and she's probably like dirt poor and her husband cheats on her and her house smells like shit covered with burnt hair. Just sayin... Remember moms, when you're weird and rude to strangers, there are people like me out there who notice and blog about you. That is all.